Why Am I Still Single? 16 Factors That Are Sabotaging Your Dating Game

Written by , BE, PGDBM, Certified Professional Life Coach Harini Natarajan BE, PGDBM, Certified Professional Life Coach Experience: 17 years
Last Updated on

Let’s be honest, shall we? Life isn’t unfair to just you – you are where you are right now because of the choices you have made. Things may happen that are not in your control, but if there is a recurring problem in your life that just doesn’t want to get resolved, it is time to re-evaluate yourself seriously. If you are upset that you are single, there could be a good reason for that!

You need to realize your relationship status is most often entirely within your control. If you really want to get paired, there are a whole lot of things you can do to increase your chances of finding your perfect someone. Take a look at this list of reasons that will not only help you delve deeper into your inner psyche but also provide an answer to why you are still single even though you don’t want to be. Have you ever questioned yourself “Why Am I Alone?” These may be reasons you have never even considered and which could ruin your chances of being in a relationship.

Why Am I Single?

1. You Haven’t Moved On From Your Ex

You may think that you have, but now is the time to be completely honest with yourself. Do you stalk them on social media? Do you still try to contact them? Are you still trying to hold on to the gifts they gave you as souvenirs? Do you still hope that one day they will come back? Trust us, it’s obvious when you are not over your ex yet – especially to those people you are out on dates with.

It gets subconsciously revealed through your actions, speech, and body language. It can be embarrassing to be called out for this as well. If this is your situation, you are better off staying single for a while for your own sake. This is because you need time to heal. Your ex has left you broken, and you need time to mend yourself and reclaim your independence.

You need some space, some me-time. There is nothing wrong with taking time out to find yourself. In fact, it may be one of the greatest learning experiences in your life. When you truly feel you are ready to get back out in the dating world, you will find yourself cuffed in absolutely no time!

2. You Don’t Go Out Much

We are sorry to drop this bomb, but if you want to escape the single life, you are going to have to make an effort and go out and meet people. In fact, finding a partner is a lot like finding a job. You need to go out, plant seeds, build a network, and follow up. Unfortunately, potential boyfriends aren’t going to materialize magically in front of you when you are sitting in your room, watching Netflix or reading.

3. You Try Too Hard

You want to be in love, so you become desperate. And because of that, your attitude turns people off. It only results in making dating someone harder for you. Slow down a bit. We get that you absolutely need to be in a relationship, but by coming off a little bit too strong, you may scare potential partners away.

Let it come naturally to you. Don’t rush anything. Being in a relationship can be taxing, so you need to make sure that the partner you choose respects you and does not detest your advances.

4. Your Have An Exaggerated Sense Of Self-Esteem

Your Have An Exaggerated Sense Of Self-Esteem
Image: Shutterstock

You think too highly of yourself – to the point that you don’t consider anyone good enough to be your bae. You may not admit to this, but it is self-sabotaging. A lot of people may have this trait without even realizing it. Here are some hard questions you need to ask yourself to determine if this is the issue. Remember, you need to be brutally honest with yourself.

Are you convinced that the path you follow in life is absolutely the only path to follow? Do you consider your purpose in life more important than other people’s? Are you quick to assume that others are not doing so well in life? If you have answered ‘yes’ to any or most of these questions, you may be single because you have an extremely inflated sense of self. You are extremely judgmental, and you write people off too quickly.

5. You Have Extremely Little Self-Esteem

You regard yourself very poorly. You assume that there has to be something wrong with the people that take a romantic interest in you. One common trait of people with low self-esteem is they overthink a lot. If someone asks them out, they will wonder a thousand things – such as, ‘What do they really want from me?’ or ‘why would he want to date someone like me?’ or “could this be a prank?’

Moreover, people who have low self-esteem are the complete opposites of those with inflated self-esteem. The former are quick to find fault in themselves, whereas the latter find fault in others. But your low self-esteem could be causing good candidates to back off. Unfortunately, there isn’t a quick fix for this issue because building confidence is a super long and hard road. You have to keep reminding yourself that everyone deserves love.

6. You Are Too Choosy

This may be the issue if you are constantly being told by others that you are too picky. What does it mean? Isn’t it a good thing to be picky? After all, you are choosing a partner whom you are going commit to or most probably spend your life with.

However, there is a fine line between being nitpicky and being selective. Selective people choose potential partners based on chemistry and compatibility with them. On the other hand, nitpicky people try to meet unrealistic expectations. They might simply eliminate a potential partner because of superficial things like their accent or the way they walk.

If you are indeed a nitpicky person, you need a reality check. There is no such thing as “the perfect man.” Everyone has issues or quirks that may seem weird to you. Don’t stress about the little things. Superficial issues are completely meaningless because they have absolutely no effect on a person’s ability to be a good partner. You should eliminate potential candidates because you don’t gel with them, and nothing else. Don’t worry about the trivial things – be selective, not nitpicky.

7. You Don’t Embrace Vulnerability

Having a mysterious aura around you could be an attractive trait, but it has its limits. This isn’t school – nobody is attracted to a person who shares nothing. If you really want to connect with other people on a deeper level, you will have to make yourself more vulnerable and reveal uncomfortable and unattractive aspects of your life and identity that make you. Exhibiting vulnerability is essential for finding someone who will love to be with you and just you.

8. You Lack Confidence

You Lack Confidence
Image: Shutterstock

This is an important cause, and it can be applicable to any person. Deep down, if you are insecure about your mindset or appearance, or don’t feel that you are relationship material, you may have trouble finding someone. People don’t want a person who is always overly critical of themselves.

When you are not confident, it may turn off people. This doesn’t mean that you can’t have insecurities – everyone has a little something that they wish to improve about themselves. However, if you are constantly complaining about your life and bringing yourself down, it may just turn out to be true. Have some faith in yourself!

9. You Are Too Independent

A relationship involves two people. If you believe you are going to be in a relationship without sacrificing anything, you are badly mistaken. Whether it is your routine, diet, or time, you must be ready to be a bit flexible if you want your future partner to trust that they can coexist with you. If you are always set on doing your own thing at your own sweet time, maybe a relationship isn’t what you need or are looking for.

10. You Are Always Making Excuses

Some single people are always making excuses as to why they haven’t found someone special yet. You may feel you need to get further up in your job or reach a certain body goal before you are worthy of dating. However, you need to give yourself a break.

Accomplishing your goals before getting serious with someone is fine, and as we believe, even important in some cases. But sometimes, people use it as an excuse not to find a date. You can still find someone to love you if you are not confident about your weight or life goals.

11. Your Expectations Are Unrealistic

There is such a thing as being too confident and having unrealistic expectations. Some women want a tall, dark, handsome man who will treat them like a princess and who makes a lot of money. A man, on the other hand, may want a woman with a perfect 36-26-36 body and an amazing personality who can cook and clean and earn a lot of money. However, there are hardly any real people like that. And if they are, they may not be attracted to you.

Having standards is a good thing, but do not overdo it. This is true, especially if you don’t have anything to offer in return. Take a look at yourself and figure out who is in your league.

12. You Need To Work On Yourself

You Need To Work On Yourself
Image: Shutterstock

Some relationship seekers may not realize how much they need to evaluate and work on themselves before starting the dating game. People often believe that a long-term relationship fixes everything about your life. While it does improve some things in your life, there are other things that you may need to fix in yourself before you get into a relationship.

13. You Are Limiting Yourself To One Place

There is plenty of fish in the sea. However, you will not be able to catch even one if you are fishing in a tiny pond. Some people may just look locally or stick to a single dating site or for a potential partner while missing out on the world.

You need to try a new dating app or site. Try dating people from another city/town. While it is true that long-distance dating can be inconvenient, sometimes, it does dramatically increase your chances of finding the right one.

14. You Give Up Too Easily

When you do get a partner, you tend to break it off. Why? Is there a good enough reason? Some people can end relationships for petty and childish reasons. This might be one of the reasons for being single. A good relationship has bumps in the road, loads of arguments, and various kinks to work out. If something about your guy annoys you, don’t use it as a weapon against him and call it off quickly. Instead, try to make things work by encouraging him to make a change or try to improve yourself.

15. You Are Attracted To The Wrong Kind Of People

You Are Attracted To The Wrong Kind Of People
Image: Shutterstock

If you go on dates but find no one amazing, it may be the kind of potential partners you attract. These may be people who have traits you like immensely, but whose natures are not a good fit with yours. This makes you believe that you shouldn’t date because all people are bad. Look at the kind of people you have dated. Do they have anything in common that attracted you?

16. You Are Socially Awkward

If you are socially awkward, especially around new people, it can make dating, starting a conversation, or breaking the ice hard. You need to practice conversation skills. You may even opt for online dating – it is so much easier. Being awkward is also a cute personality trait, but too much of it can turn people off or make them feel awkward and nervous as well.

There might be several reasons to Stay single forever, Sometimes, you just may not know why you are single, and the reason may be very complicated. However, it may be so simple that you don’t even consider thinking about it. If you have taken a good, hard look at your love life and still don’t get it why you are not in a relationship, perhaps you could seek professional help. You can try talking to a relationship counselor. You can talk to them about your life, and they can suggest methods and ways to change it. You can even provide your dating history, and they will easily be able to find the reason why you are not finding the perfect one for yourself. They can also determine why your dates have failed, and if is it a problem with your own personality or the personalities of the potential candidates you dated. All the best!

Recommended Articles

Was this article helpful?
Harini Natarajan
Harini NatarajanHead Of Content Operations
As Head Of Content Operations, Harini sets the tone and editorial direction for StyleCraze to deliver engaging, interesting, and authentic content revolving around women's health, wellness, and beauty. She is a Certified Professional Life Coach from Transformation Academy, a Certified Emotional Intelligence Practitioner from The Priority Academy, and has over 17 years of experience in content writing and editing for online media.

Read full bio of Harini Natarajan
Latest Articles