Which Disney Groom-To-Be Are You?
That’s how I heard of my first ever happy ending; watching Disney movies. And that’s how we’ve all learnt about them, and the prince and the princess who went on to live happily ever after. Every millennial will admit to harbouring weird fantasies, courtesy of old man Walt. But when you’re a dude, there’s a certain kind of persona you see yourself with. Which one’s yours?
1. Prince Charming
Born into the good life, you’ve had a silver spoon in any place a silver spoon will fit. But it’s the new millennium, and we’re a civilized bunch now, so you won’t be found vainly swimming in cash, whether you do it or not. Nope, you come with a resume to die for, a rad bod, and a cushy job that resume got you. Whoever said money can’t buy everything? Maybe you’re born with it all, but whatever; you’re still Prince Charming, and you have brains, talent, skill, you’re capable, and you do have a nice heart too; plus you’re not spoilt and so damn responsible. Every girl wants you and every guy wants to be you. Also, every guy and girl wants your car too.
2. Prince Eric
You’re still all charming and a prince, but rarely it happens that the prince is… a bit on the dull side. It’s not your fault. Someone must have dropped you as a baby.
On the plus side, because of that mental ‘dullness’, you’re a wee bit more brawn. You like the great outdoors coz, you know, it helps you deal. You’re more of a romantic, and your parents and friends kind of have to babysit you and your love-seeking heart. You’re super nice, and slightly gullible, and you like animals. And you want a nice girl, just like you. Don’t worry, you’ll still get your happy ending.
3. Nobleman Adam a.k.a The Beast
Mr. GrumpyPoo Darcy himself, the embodiment of all that terrifies girls and women, or maybe you’re scared your smile looks goofy. I know, I know, the one from before broke your heart.
You’re waiting for love to be a better person; love will make you get that flashy bypass to lose weight, love will make you serious about life, love will make a man out of you, until then you’ll just hate love and life and sit amidst your adequate millions with your expensive talking figurines, and alternate between being a stalker and a misogynist. After all, you’re not a prince, just a guy waiting for love. Go to that gym, how will you find love looking like you ate all the potatoes you peeled!
4. Aladdin
You’re the Chandler. You have a monkey of a best friend, and a lot of other weird friends; your dad, or dads, or moms, are loonies, so your life sucked right from the beginning. You’re hard-working, and kind, and naive, and you’re a natural. You were born talented in a lot of stuff. Everything you own is yours, and that nice career you’ve got, it’s your sweat and blood. But despite having had a lot of tough luck, you’re still a good guy, with a heart of gold, that will win over a princess, and you’re sweet and cheery. And you have a pretty face, and you’re casually hot.
You also have dips**t co-workers.
5. Hercules
Look on the bright side, you’ve got girly Prince Eric for company; and you have great hair. You’re in touch with your innocent soft side, and you don’t always use your head because of that. But you look like a God, pun intended. Proudly macho, insanely positive and hopefully, with a ridiculously pure heart, a strong understanding of good and evil, and six feet to add to that list, it’s no wonder you get the hot brainy feminist chick. What you lack in brain you make up for with sheer goodwill and a ‘can-do’ attitude. You will do what it takes to help out, and you won’t hesitate to stand up to bullies. You may not be a prince, but you are a true hero of legends.
6. Li Shang a.k.a The Manly Men’s Manliest Man Ever
If you were given the option to fix other men, you’d take it; just because you think the way men are right now just sullying the term ‘men’. You’re an officer and a gentleman type. Intelligent, resolute, dedicated, strong, and driven; you’re the real alpha, that mythical being, that all men look up to. Your good looks and your kind soul add to that manly aura around you. You’re all no-nonsense, and while you may be a bit rough on the outside, there’s a polished diamond on the inside. And you guard it carefully. You’re definitely a chauvinist, but it’s like you have respect for women, and you know they’re smart and all, but you just see them as ‘women’, the gentler fairer sex, so you don’t think women should be like men.
Boy, are you gonna get the wind knocked out o’ your sails! Coz an alpha male will end up with an alpha female – his complete equal.
7. Flynn Rider
If you were a girl, Hercules would be chasing after you, coz he has a thing for the hot bad girl with a good heart. Obviously, that makes you the resident leather-clad bad boy of the bunch. You’ve had a tough life, like Aladdin, but ambition set your heart on fire, and then ate it up, sort of. Some dude made you wish you had more. So now you’re a mongering swashbuckler. All you’ve wanted is money, fame, adventure and fun. You’ve done some evil and lost a lot of friends along the way. But it’s all for your Godzilla-sized ambition, your dream, so it is worth it.
And all of that will lose its shine, when you meet lady Hercules, who’ll replace your old dream with her new one.
8. Kuzco
So much for the resident leather boy; you’re resident evil in sex pants. With all these nice rich boys, it looks like the balance is off. You exist to fix that balance. Emperor-level rich, arrogant, egotistic and selfish, sarcastic, hot, classy, got your own style and crazy evil, you’re the guy even the guys hate; incidentally also the guy some guys want. You’re Peter Pan and Hook all in one; you’re so mean you just don’t think any girl is worth you any more. You’ve got a kooky mom, so it’s not your fault. The worst part is, you can actually do what you say you will. You bully your own friends, make the girls cry, and someone would call you the Beast, except you’d be the only beast who’s beautiful, for real. You’re a Christian Grey type, and you probably hate people touching you coz you’re pretty.
There is a really nice kid somewhere in there, but he kind of likes staying in your liver. Don’t worry, that perfect girl you’re not waiting for exists.
9. Prince Naveen
Since we’re talking incurable pretty boy jerks, we’ll get to you now. You’re a looker and playboy and a fun-loving classic narcissist, an almost-villain if it weren’t for the fact that the only reason you’re a jerk is coz you’re a bit of a blonde airhead; you’re a lazy kid, you live off your parents cash and love, and you don’t know how to stop partying. You’re such a jerk-face, that your equally jerk-face parents practically have to force you into being responsible by hook or crook, and with threats of an arranged marriage, one that you actually agree to, just to keep having fun. Even Kuzco looks like a nice guy in comparison.
Come on now, kid, there’s more to it all, dig a little deeper; heck, there’s more to you too. You’ll find the best things you never knew you needed. Even ‘Miss Independent.’
10. Milo Thatch a.k.a. Le Nerd
Yes, you’re the accomplished brain of the lot, you stubborn muscle-less wonder. Harmless looking, with an equally affable smile, you plan to logic the hell out of everything. You’re not a Ferrari guy; you’re an alien space ship guy. You rely on your mind to make your decisions, so it doesn’t scare you when your mind tells you to be very happy with a girl or a book, instead of being a manly guy who hangs with the dudes; inadvertently that makes you a passive alpha, someone who doesn’t follow the crowd. Overtime, you lost your fear of being different, and became a proud nerd, and a fanboy of some ship show, and you’ve spent your great fortune on your fan-zoning. Sure it sounds bad, but the omega dude wins the super babe in the end.
11. Jim Hawkin a.k.a. The Hot Nerd Bad Boy Underdog
You’re the lost treasure, babe. Your maker went ahead and dropped the whole bottle of awesome into this cake. So, you’re not a prince, or a rich kid, it’s cool; you got everything else in overload. Brains, looks, moodiness and swag make for a great catch, and the fact that you use guy-liner and have piercings makes it even better. Some might argue you’re half Uchiha. Say yes, when they do. You have a rebellious streak, but that’s why you’re creative and not scared of much. You’re a nerd who’ll win a fist fight, or a runway contest. That’s only because you had to stand up to bullies so much, you became a pro. It’s not your fault they felt threatened by you; you have a strong heart to match all your other ‘talents’ and genetic superiority. You’re self-made.
You’d probably get any girl you want.
12. The Average Joe Nice Guy a.k.a Kristoff
To be sure, you’re a treasure too. You’re a guy who’s not worried about being a beta to his girl; not because you’re a beta, because you just care that much. You’re kinda into your own thing, and you’ve seen enough of the world to know how things work, which is probably why you’re that ‘quirky’. You’re not all that smart or all that awesome, but you’re a realist, and that’s where you win. You know how to deal with shit, and get things done when needed. You have a regular guy gang and all, just like any other average Joe like yourself. There may be some slightly disturbing stuff somewhere in your head, but as long as you don’t take it out on hapless people and girlfriends, you’re a gem. Since you’re a realist, you know how to care for people the right way, if somewhat forcefully; you know honesty matters too.
You’ll probably pick a sweet softy like yourself, or dare it with a crazy editor boss (a la The Proposal) or Kim Possible.
13. The Beta
They say that behind every successful guy is a woman; whoever said that didn’t know it takes a beta.
Yup, the beta gets the girl instead of the main guy a lot. There’s nothing wrong with being a beta; what matters is that you’re a good one. You’re good looking, smart, friendly, kind and helpful. You could have been a leader, but that’s not your style; you know every alpha needs a vice captain, so you’ll be the best there is. Sometimes it’s a girl, sometimes it’s a guy. Sometimes you’re second to the villain too, but that’s not going to stop you from helping save the day. You’re not average Joe, and you know you never will be; an average guy doesn’t take the effort you put into looking great, or working hard or thinking on your feet. As a beta, you know you need your sense of humour to disarm, so it’s a part of your routine. You may be from any walk of life and social class, but what singles you out is your willingness to help a great leader be an even better one.
Gif’s Source: Giphy
