Newlyweds, Brides To Be: Let’s Clear This Up. Just What Is Marriage?

For those of you considering marriage, and those of you who recently entered into such a union, it is important to take stock of exactly what it is that the world of marriage entails. I could say that it is a mixed bag of worldly events and emotions, and that living with you partner means facing the ups and downs of life hand-in-hand, but that’s not very helpful in a practical sense. To truly understand what marriage is all about, as well as the stuff that it isn’t, we’ve put together a little list for you. Hold your weddings ring close, here we begin!

The Things Marriage Is Not About

Before we actually get to actually delineating the scope of marriage, let’s just get rid of all the fluff and misconceptions. These are some illusions, blurry impressions and straight up misconceptions about holy matrimony:

1. Marriage Is Not Always About Bliss

Marriage-Is-Not-Always-About-Bliss

In other words, marriage is not about living through a fairy tale. It is a real world relationship, therefore you face all the challenges, which real day-to-day life poses to a person. It is not always about jumping with your partner on a bed of roses; it is also about dealing with those thorns when you step down of it.

2. Marriage Is Not About ‘I am the best!’

The relationship of a wife and husband is that of equals, and it should never have any room for ego, no matter how successful one partner is in whichever field. Remember, you’re not competing with each other, and you’re not showing off your spouse for whatever attributes you think are pleasing. You’re trying to grow together and take on the world with a reliable partner in crime.

3. Marriage Is Not Always Expecting Attention

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Do not expect your spouse to tail you all the time, every time. While life partners are liable to care for each other, marriage is not a ‘What’s your wish?’ contest. You have an independent life of your own, therefore you must attend to certain desires of yours on your own without putting up a fuss. Stifling yourself for the sake of the other, whether forced or by your own choice isn’t going to lead to fulfilment or longevity. Maintain your own identity within the marriage for excellent, lasting results!

4. Marriage Is Not Without Differences

As a carry-forward from the previous point, conflicts and differences are part of married life and add to the experience. Be mentally prepared for this, and you will realise you are far more capable at resolving conflicts amicably.

5. Marriage Cannot Work On Its Own

Marriage-Cannot-Work-On-Its-Own

Remember if you’ve just had a disagreement with your spouse this morning, you can’t expect everything to be hunky dory in the evening on its own. You have to work to resolve the matter!

Every relationship is dependant on the determination and resilience of its stakeholders, and marriage is no different. If you expect something to work, something to resolve, something to culminate, then you will work to make it happen and it won’t ever feel like a chore. Even though it can definitely be characterized as one.

6. Marriage Is No Place For Impatience

Impatience to get something done, impatience to make him/her listen to you, impatience to get in the sheets! Things don’t work that way in marriage, and if you try revving up the engine too quick, too soon, then you are surely going to have a break down at some point. Keep compassion, understanding, communication and a healthy supply of patience handy, and you will find things will generally go your way.

7. Marriage Is Not Boring!

Marriage-Is-Not-Boring

No matter what conventional wisdom says, spending all your life with someone does not make the relationship any less exciting than it was on the first day. Living with an individual who is new and different, and then observing that person grow, all the while sitting in the first row, makes things quite exciting. It is a most intimate experience, seldom gotten in other kinds of relationships.

What Marriage Is All About

Here comes the best bits about marriage, and all that things that truly make it an institution that has endured and stood the test of time.

1. Marriage Is About Having Someone’s Back

Marriage-Is-About-Having-Someone’s-Back

Realising that you have tons of imperfections but your spouse still loves you is an outright humbling experience that may lead to many a teary-eyed moments, which, heigh-ho, you again share with your spouse! Giving love is just as fulfilling as receiving it, ask anyone in a stellar, long-term relationship.

2. Marriage Is Feeling Annoyed Yet Staying Together

Arguments happen, disagreements are made, phone calls are terse and curt, but at the end of the day is there anyone else you’d rather close your eyes and go to sleep with? If the answer is a resounding ‘No!’ then you’re doing things right. Even if momentarily doesn’t seem that way.

3. Marriage Is Learning To Apologise

Marriage-Is-Learning-To-Apologise

“My Mistake” doesn’t have to be an acknowledgement of error as much it is an understanding of the fact that you’re now a team, and that when one or the other wins, you both win. It is learning to function as a single team which makes marriage truly a special thing.

4. Marriage Is Sharing Even The Smallest And Wildest Thing

It is going back home excited because there is something on your mind that you need to share. It is about laughing together about it, and then talking about it again and again without realising that you have been doing it for past two decades! That’s the sweetness of marriage.

5. Marriage Is About Intimacy In All Aspects Of Life

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And it does not mean just physical intimacy but also emotional bonding as well relational intimacy (helping each other, spending time with each together, etc). It is about being so close to someone that your lives get interwoven to become one single fabric, which you nurture for the rest of your life.

6. Marriage Is Worrying About Someone

You get worried when you do not get a message you had expected from your partner. The anxiety is different, it brings a knot in the stomach and makes you break into a cold sweat. That is because you sync up so well with your spouse that you are inseparable part of each other thus justifying the ‘soulmate’ tag.

7. Marriage Is The Promise Of Loyalty

Marriage-Is-The-Promise-Of-Loyalty

You can bust out all of the research and divorce statistics that you can get your hands on, but it is that very dogged determination, that single minded loyalty, that descent head-first into a world filled with chaos and madness… armed with but a promise, and the trust, hope and support of one single other in this world, that makes marriage one of the most special conventions that society has conceived in it’s millennia of existence. It is the comfort not even a bed of roses can bring.

And with that, we hope we’ve cleared the fog around what constitutes marriage and thrown some light on the real issues at stake! Leave us a comment if you have something to add, and do share this with someone who is looking for a clearer picture of marriage. All the best!

Images Source: Shutterstock

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