Why Arranged Marriages Work In India; As humans, we’re used to being afraid of things we don’t know much about. And it gets worse when we have vastly different medians to compare them with. The cray-cray levels get dialed to eleven when we’re dealing with culture clashes.
Arranged marriages are like that. People from other cultures view them as archaic and unreasonable. And rightly so. They only work in certain types of cultures; like India.
But Why Do Arranged Marriages Work In India Really?
1. Marriage Vs Dating
One reason arranged marriages work is our eschewed understanding of the cultures we imitate. Rarely do people of ‘Americanised’ cultures get into a relationship solely to maintain a ‘social status’ requirement or to scratch that itch alone. Because in their cultures, dating is for all intensive purposes about courtship and love. In India, it’s different. India is a place where a guy can ask a girl if she wants a boyfriend or a husband, and they aren’t the same thing always.
And then there’s the matter of racism, and a lot of other stuff clustered together.
2. Jab We Met
How do you meet a guy or a girl? You meet him/her at school, or college or work, or in the same friend circles, or common social hangout points. All of these point to similar economic status, similar social status and approval of said mate by other parties of the same social standing.
In arranged marriages, generally, the parents pick suitable partners of the same age bracket, socio economic standards, and you get to meet and see how it goes, with your friends getting a say too.
3. No Lies (Generally)
Another reason arranged marriages work is being able to hold someone responsible, so to speak. With arranged marriage meets, the difference is you can trust that the other person, generally, is not a nut, and if they are, you won’t have to find out later and then break up. Because parents are involved, lying, baiting, playing around and other scumbaggery is avoided.
4. Appropriate Ages And Biases
Arranged marriages work because they happen at a more appropriate age, when both parties are ready to settle down, so you won’t end up with the awkward guy/girl who’s not ready to settle down, or any common commitment issues younger couples face. Nor will you have your own peer or age related desperations or money issues, like in a college or school relationship.
Again, since parents are involved, both sides have some modicum of decency toward each other, so there’s much less nonsense to deal with; both sides have to actually use their brains and really think about fights before either one yelling divorce like it’s a game of catch.
Sure, there’s the rare arranged marriage that is awkward and ends in divorce, and yes, dowry issues happen too, but the statistics for these scenarios are much smaller ratios in comparison to the number of casual couples who don’t work out.
7. Fine Tuning
A lot of thought goes into deciding who is fit for one’s kid, and unless the parents are evil, they won’t actually mess up. Everything is double checked; is he/she nice, kind, friendly, decent, stable, physically the type my kid will like (that is the first thing we do when we go looking ourselves for a ‘mate’), mentally sound, any diseases (to make sure the future kids have happy lives), everything is covered.
8. Sense And Sensibility
Both sides get to meet each other, without having to feign disinterest to appear cool, or any other pretences they would normally maintain when among peers, or when attempting to date. Any party who does not seem like a good idea for a mate is rejected within hours, and there is no situation where you’ll have to be human and date the freak, or worse sleep with them a few times, to try and find his/her good side. The other side can’t stalk, cry, beg, chase, plead, and say anything emotionally loaded with blackmail to force a person into a relationship, or into sex. You don’t meet up at a pub, and wake up alone the next morning. Since you have the option to reject an unviable mate right away, your senses pick up on all the subtle clues right away, and even if you don’t know why at that moment, you reject partners who are bad for you, when you have the freedom and luxury to. And that is a true testament to why arranged marriages work.
9. Everything Is Legally Backed
You don’t have to haggle or anything, or play around. Everything is legal, and everything is bookable. Someone messes up, and the other party can actually do something about it, without facing a bias.
India is a ‘sanskari’ place where girls and guys who get into relationships have no protection from the law what-so-ever. You can’t go crying that someone made you spend all that money and didn’t marry you later, or tricked you into a bad relationship or forced you into sex, or did something equally bad. With arranged marriages, you can; much easier than with love marriages.
10. The Kids
The kids are always happier in an arranged marriage. Facts, stats, and so much more evidential proof exists about this one. The kids born into a good, well-matched, arranged marriage are mentally more stable, physically healthier, and emotionally way better off. In fact, kids born into arranged marriages are always better off that the ones born into love marriages.
For all of the above listed reasons, I guess, arranged marriages work well, and are just as comfortable, if not safer and smarter than casual meet-date-marry scenarios.