22 Important Questions To Ask Before Marriage

Getting married is great but getting married to the right person is what’s important. Everyone is unique and wonderful in their own way; but one person’s lifestyle and choices may be absolutely contrary to another’s. When you are ready to settle down and get married, it is important to understand the partner you choose. Love is beautiful but it’s not sufficient alone to keep a marriage going strong. So whether you are getting prepared to marry the one you love or prepping for an arranged marriage, certain questions need to be asked before taking the plunge.

The most important question you need to ask is to yourself – are you ready to get married? Asking questions to the partner comes next. First, be sure about yourself. You need to understand that marriage is not how you see it on the big screen – not that rosy, neither that dramatic! In fact, most days are absolute flat and smooth. You also need to be ready to give it your 100 per cent. Your own mental, physical, emotional and financial stability is important before you get married. It’s not a matter of gender; the cost of living is so high that most couples need to live a double income life to be able to truly enjoy a comfortable lifestyle. Now that you have asked the question to yourself, if the answer is YES, here are some questions you must ask your to-be-partner:

1. What are your hobbies and passions?

It is important to know this to understand the likes and dislikes of your partner. When life gets mundane, it is these hobbies and passions that spice it up. You need to know this and also analyze if you can be a part of it in some way because once married it is necessary to not only motivate but also sometimes take part in your partner’s hobbies and passions.

2. What housework can you manage?

Marriage is all about teamwork, including the housework. A single person cannot run the whole show and the daily chores need to be divided and shared. While one person may be good at cooking, the other enjoys cleaning and both may together take up the shopping. Again, it’s not about gender any more.

3. What are your dreams and aspirations?

As humans, we are always driven by our dreams and aspirations. As a partner, it is important to not only know what these are but also be ready to give your full support towards them. Everyone has different dreams and understanding each other’s dreams is very important.

4. What is your opinion regarding children?

Most couples make the mistake of skipping this conversation until it’s too late! There are some people who do not want children and some who can’t wait to start a family; it is important to see if your choices align. What may seem as an insignificant topic may become the biggest conflict in the coming years.

5. How important is personal space for you?

Some people can spend hours without company while some cannot spend a minute alone! Again, both being equally right, you need to know and align your preferences. For some couples, it is lack or too much of personal space that becomes the bone of contention.

6. What are your priorities?

Another very important question! Everyone has similar priorities but not always in the same sequence. It is necessary to understand how well your priorities align together or if they clash drastically. Having similar priorities helps. A few minor differences can be worked around but major differences can be impossible to adjust with.

7. Do you believe in savings and investments?

Not everyone is same when it comes to handling finances. With increasing costs, money sometimes becomes the major cause of fights and arguments. Savings and investments are a necessity and you need to understand your partner’s perspective about the same.

8. Do you smoke or drink?

While these may be irrelevant to some, for some people these are red flags. If you don’t want a shock, be prepared for what’s to come.

9. Do you follow any religion or practice certain religious activities?

Again, it may seem insignificant, but for people who have a thing for it, it matters. If you have very strict religious views, you may need to understand this well in advance. While you can’t force your religious views on someone, living with a person who contradicts your views and beliefs may not be an easy ride.

10. Do you have any health or physical issues?

It’s not just about the hospital bills! You need to know if your partner has a certain health issue, how serious is it and every single detail about their health and physical status. It does not affect a person’s personality but not knowing about them until a time of crisis may be an unpleasant shock!

11. What does marriage mean to you?

It’s important to know how a person views marriage. Sometimes people get married just because ‘it’s time.’ That’s never a healthy sign. Just like you need to be sure if you are ready to tie the knot, you need to evaluate if the other person is mentally and emotionally prepared too. Marriage is a lot of work and if you are getting married to someone who does not have an opinion on marriage, you may be jumping into troubled waters.

12. Do you read? Do you watch movies? What kinds?

Reading is a sign of a healthy mind. If you are marrying someone who enjoys reading and you enjoy reading yourself, you may be able to hit it off right there and then. Similarly, understanding their interests in movies and songs and other entertainment related stuff may give you a certain amount of insight into their basic nature and likes. You could also talk about the things they like to eat and drink.

13. Do you like to travel?

Some people have a major wanderlust and thirst for adventure while some prefer their home sweet home! If your idea of holiday is exploring new places and you are about to marry someone who refuses to leave the couch, you may be disappointed! You need to be ready for what to expect and also make your expectations very clear.

14. What is your opinion about ‘our time’?

Spending quality time in the company of just your partner is very important to strengthen and nourish the relationship. Everyone has a different opinion about ‘alone time’ and this needs to be discussed. It cannot be one person’s bliss and another’s agony. You need to have common and shared interests.

15. Have you ever been in a serious relationship before?

It may not matter and you mustn’t probe too much but knowing is always good. Don’t ask too many questions and only listen to what the person has to say but that’s about it! Let the past be in the past and leave the window open for conversation but only if the other person wants to. Why did you break up? Are you over him/her? These questions are strict NO! Don’t dig too deep.

16. Are you a virgin?

While it should not really matter to you, if it does ASK! But leave it at that, don’t probe too much and don’t look for details. You will only make a negative impression of yourself.

17. Who is the most important person in your life?

You need to know who that one person is who means a lot to the person. It could be a friend, parent, sibling or any other family member, but you should know who that is. It helps make a strong bond by making a strong connection with that person.

18. Are you satisfied with your job and income?

Being satisfied with one’s job and income is very important. Often, people who are dissatisfied with their job are dissatisfied with other aspects of life too. They often crib, nag and remain stressed creating an unhealthy environment around them. It’s okay to dream bigger and want more but dissatisfaction is never okay.

19. Do you have any responsibilities towards your family?

Another important question ignored by many. Some people have certain commitments and responsibilities towards their families. You must know these, and also support it. If you feel it’s too much, consider asking if it will always remain this way.

20. Do you like pets?

Not everyone is a pet lover and depending on what are your preferences, you need to understand your partner’s preferences too. You cannot force a pet on someone and neither can it be forced upon with a pet! Make it clear from the very start.

21. Do you plan to live with you parents or alone? (for the women)

Living in a joint family requires even more work than a marriage does. If you are not ready or willing to live with your in-laws, you don’t need to! This is not something you need to force yourself to do or it will only make matters worse. Make it very clear what your opinion is. If you are okay with it then go ahead but remember to set the right expectations from the start.

22. Are you willing to stay with my family? (for the men)

You cannot force someone to live in a place they are not comfortable in. With today’s lifestyle being so different and hurried, many girls prefer having their own home and space. You need to know this and see how it aligns with your views and plans.

Well, these are some basic questions that may help you understand how similar or opposite you are to each other. It’s true that you can never really understand a person completely unless you start living with them, and certain things help make it a better start. It’s sad when people get married without considering who or what their partner is like. Marriage is for life and you need to be absolutely sure of the person you are getting married to. Yes, people change sometimes and other differences can creep up but having these basic differences right from the very beginning is a sign of a no match!

They say marriages are made in heaven, but hey, you can’t just trust destiny and fate! We live in a world today where we know exactly what we want, where we can customize things according to our likes and in times of ‘returns’ and ‘replacements.’ So how can we just go with the flow when it comes to something as important as marriage? Yes, it’s true that no matter how many questions you ask there will always be things that will still remain contrary but adjusting to everything is impossible.

For complete peace and happiness in a marriage it is very important to start on the right note. I have nothing against love or arranged marriage, at the end of the day both are marriages and both have their pros and cons but getting married to someone you have absolutely no clue about is what irks me! It’s not a college room mate or a flat mate that we can change or ignore, it our own spouse and better half!

It’s NOT An Interview!

Don’t think it’s an interview you need to prepare for; and it’s not choosing the right ‘candidate.’ The ‘opposites attract’ notion is a thing for science, and marriage is far from science! Certain opposite traits and characteristics might bring in spice but NOT complete opposites! Asking these questions before marriage will only help you form a better understanding of the person and at the end of the day it’s all about ‘two to tango.’ What you give is what you receive, so if you give your 100 per cent you will receive the same. I’m not saying people don’t change for the better but are you ready to lay your bets on that? Are you ready to compromise on all the views and opinions and beliefs you have held so dear, for all these years?

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