Mother In Law Problems: 5 Common Ones And How To Get Past Them

It is rightly said that a marriage is not just between the husband and wife but a union between two families. Both partners are expected to welcome these new relationships and blend in with the extended family members and friends. That said, mother in law problems are probably the most dreaded and talked about before, after and even during a marriage! Have you seen the popular movie Monster-in-Law? Well, that’s a fictional account of mother in law issues and how the to be daughter in law deals with it. But there are certain parts in the movie that seem too real, don’t you think so?

Mother-In-Law Problems

mother in law problems – Daughter in law fight

But why is the mother in law always the target? Is it true that Indian mother in laws are generally mean? Is the experience of adjusting to life after marriage really so dreadful for a new wife? Are mother in laws really the troublemakers or have they just been framed? Are these problems the nation’s second leading cause of marital discord?

Well, like everything else, I say everything has two sides to it. Every issue, situation, problem, scenario, fact or farce has two sides. I am not a mother in law so I can only speak from my perspective and I say that it takes two to tango.

5 Common Mother In Law Problems:

1. Interference

 

This is probably the most common of all mother in law problems, shared by many! You have to understand one thing; the mother also needs time to adjust to the fact that her child is now a husband and has to be ‘shared.’ The mother will always believe that no one but her has the best interests of her child in mind; no not even his wife. This is the most common reason behind this interference. I am not saying it’s right or acceptable but you need to give this issue due time to fade away. If it doesn’t start fading away, that’s a problem.

[Read More: How To Be A Good Daughter In Law]

2. Taunting

Ouch! This is one problem that can really sting, and no there is no reason behind it. Being constantly taunted and nagged by their Indian mother in laws is what most new brides complain of. You just need to get to the root of the issue. And if it’s baseless, you need to address it upfront.

3. Comparisons

 

Most mother in law problems are heavy, but this is another low. No one likes being compared to another person; whoever it may be. Hearing things like, ‘Mrs X’s daughter in law does this and that…’ or ‘My daughter would never…’ or worse yet ‘ As a wife, I would n’t..’ and ‘You just…’. STOP! Every person is unique and comparing is therefore baseless. Again, get to the root of the issue and address it upfront. Keeping it all in will only turn your relationship sour.

[Read More: How To Impress Your In Laws]

4. Possessiveness

 

It takes time to immediately and readily share anything that you have held close to your heart all your life. Your mother in law has probably been the whole and sole person responsible for the house, functioning, kitchen, cleaning… and every person in the house. If you are going to be living in a joint family, this happens the most. It may come as a new and unwanted change for your mother in law and you may not be trusted to the job ‘as well as she can!’. Well, as the daughter in law you just have to work your way around it in a smart way girl.

5. Customs And Traditions

It has become more and more acceptable in Indian society to welcome and celebrate marriage between cultures and traditions. While the marriage may be grand with the customs of both families being celebrated, it is later that the problems may creep in. Especially in India where every culture is diverse, and every tradition is specific to cultures, sometimes there might be friction. Starting from the food, rituals, festivals to everything and more!

Hmmm, so these are the five most common problems that many daughter in laws have shared and experienced. But don’t let these daunt you in anyway. Every problem has a solution, right? Yes, even problems related to your mother in law! The first and most important thing is, do you want to look for a solution?

You need to understand that just like your mother means the world to you, your husband feels the same about his mother too. There is absolutely no way you can completely shun her out of your relationship. And guess what, it also makes your marriage stronger if your partner can see the efforts you make to bring your relationship with your mother in law to a happy and common space. So, it’s always worth a try.

[Read More: Duties Of The Bride’s Parents]

What can you do to get past these problems?

1. When It Comes To Mother In Law Problems Communication Is Key!

Communication is the greatest way to cement any relationship, including your relationship with your mother in law. First, you need to communicate with your husband. Remember, communication is not the same as blaming and making accusations. Just talk rationally, come to a common conclusion. Be receptive and listen too. You need to understand each other’s mind frame, expectations and problems if you want to find a solution. Now-a-days, an Indian guy is more aware of the mother in law problems that his wife faces, so he’ll probably have at least a little solid advice to give.

2. Give It Time.

It takes time for everyone to adjust to a new member and all the new-ness one brings in. Give it time and make changes gradual. Don’t expect things to change overnight.

3. Don’t Be A Silent Sufferer.

The more you keep these problems to yourself, the bigger they will become. Not everything that hurts you is necessarily a problem. First, identify what really is a problem and what is just a ‘new concept to deal with’. Once you know what the problems are, address them right away. Any problem, be it mother in law problems or of any other kind, needs to be let out or it’ll only cause mental stress and negative energies to take over.

[Read More: Common Reasons For Divorce]

4. Set Expectations Right From The Very Start.

Some people face problems because of the expectations they themselves set. Don’t try to be a pleaser at the cost of causing trouble to yourself. You need to understand that, as a new wife,  the higher expectations you set in the beginning will become things expected from you for life! So it’s good to go out of your way to please someone once in a while but don’t make it a routine if you don’t want it coming back and biting you!

5. Be Positive About Your Mother In Law Problems.

You need to be positive if you want things to be positive. You are looking for solutions and only a positive mind can reach out for positive solutions. You need to be convinced and accept everything wholeheartedly. Every cloud has a silver lining and you need to take the responsibility of being the silver lining in your relationship with your mother in law.

Well, these are five things that strengthen every relationship. The relationship between you and your mother in law might be fragile but it is very important for there to be peace in the house. If you and your mother in law are always locking horns, the stress and tension will slowly but surely bog you down. It’s very common for couples to fight and sometimes even part ways just because the mother in law problems were either not addressed or not done so in the right way. You and your partner need to be on the same page and find solutions for every problem in life together, as a team. And that includes issues related to your mother in law as well.

But Who is right? And Who is wrong?

If you are a mother in law yourself (or you surely will be some day), understand both perspectives. None is right while none is wrong and yet both are right and wrong! Human relationships are fragile and even if one person does not put effort, the relationship will never grow. No relationship can be a one-way road, it needs to be a two-way open channel with equal efforts and responsibilities shared. Ladies, unfortunately it’s believed that women are women’s biggest enemies. We Indian women are sensitive, family oriented, independent, emotional, caring, loving, smart and everything else and sometimes we fail to understand just this in another woman!

These issues are always such a hot topic of discussion and everyone seems to have something to contribute. Kitty parties, a get-together, neighbors, friends, cousins and even the lady sitting next to you in a bus can share stories and solutions! Okay, maybe you enjoy it, maybe you genuinely have problems but just talking about it will not sort them out. Talking about it with the right person might, but not with people who are just looking for some gossip!

So, stop talking, stop cribbing and stop ranting. Start building!

You, and only you, the daughter in law can build your relationships. No one else can and it is no one else’s responsibility either! The more you crib, cry, rant, suffer, the more you will lose the energy. Be positive, take the right steps and your efforts will be reciprocated.

And to all you soon-to-be-married people, don’t worry! No problem is too big if you are ready to solve it with all your heart and soul. Your husband is and will be the most important person to you but a ship can never sail smoothly unless all are happily on-board! It’s your marriage and your happiness. Don’t let anyone or anything take it away from you. And guess what, don’t believe all the horrid stories you hear. If it makes a difference, I am lucky enough to be best friends with my mother and mother in law. And believe me, life is blissful!

So, do you have anything more to add to this endless topic?

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