10 Overlooked Marriage Threats Couples Fail To Realize. But Shouldn't

If you think you know all of the reasons why every marriage has ever failed, or the underlying root cause of it all (of which, “fate” is the easiest to attribute and digest), then, frankly, your time is better spent elsewhere. If, however, you’re someone looking to find out some of the pitfalls of assuming too much (or too little, as it were) when it comes to marriage, then read on. It might save you a world of bother one day.

Here are 10 very real threats to your marriage:

1. Expecting Marriage To Transform People

Expecting-Marriage-To-Transform-People-Most-Overlooked-Threats-to-a-Marriage

Many people decide to marry their love interests even if there are definite flaws in the relationship or lack of compatibility, thinking marriage will transform them into someone they like or want their ideal partner to be. It is completely illogical to think that marriage can change a person. Someone’s nature will not affect by his/her marital status and it is wrong to expect that the other person will dramatically turn a new leaf the day after their marriage.
If you are marrying someone with such expectations in your mind and heart, your marriage is doomed even before you say “I do.”

Top tip: Don’t expect marriage will mean your spouse ‘mends their ways.’

2. Thinking Marriage Is Easy

Marriage is anything but easy. Once you are married to someone, your whole life takes a turn and you find yourself adjusting and compromising with things that you may have never imagined even existed. You know the times when you’d rather avoid, not show up or leave instead of confronting something? That power is drastically reduced after marriage. Being in a relationship with someone is one thing and being married to someone and living under the same roof 24/7 is a different ball game altogether.

Top tip: Marriage is work. So make sure the juice is worth the squeeze, so to speak.

3. The Inevitable Change

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One thing that is certain with all of us is that we change and evolve with time as we grow older, get exposed to new things and experiences and learn from them. Most of the times, these changes can affect our married life in a negative manner too. An off-shore job opportunity or a switch in career or just developing a new hobby that changes your daily schedule can affect you and your partner in ways that you may have never considered or taken into account. Being receptive and open about such changes is the only way to sail through in such difficult situations.

Top Tip: Understanding and acceptance come through open and honest communication. If you could chat frankly before tying the knot, chances are you can after getting married. The corollary is also true.

4. Expectations That Marriage Can Take Away Your Loneliness

Some think of marriage as a way to kill loneliness. The idea that you will be able to finally share your life with someone who is legally and emotionally bound to you makes us feel like we have someone for our lonely times. But if you are lonely, even your partner cannot take it away. You two cannot spend every minute of the day together as both of you have responsibilities, priorities and other distractions to manage too. If you are going into marriage thinking you will no longer remain a lone soul, then you are looking for a huge disappointment that can seriously affect your married life.

Top tip: Love and be comfortable with yourself. Marriage won’t fill an emotional void.

5. Lack Of Empathy

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Failure to be empathetic towards your partner or show concern over issues troubling them can cause serious damage to your married life. If you are not able to connect with the pain of your partner then you two will not be able to share things, especially painful issues freely with each other which is sure to cause a rift between you two and cause difficulties in your marriage.

Top tip: Not “giving a s*it” about your partner (and vice-versa) is a definite red flag. Seek help before your marriage disintegrates into a world of pain and hurt.

6. Power Struggle Between Couples

The competitive streak between couples about who is better between the two can actually make things difficult to go on for the married couple. Issues such as one spouse earning more or one spouse being more talented can cause tension between the couples which will negatively affect their married life. It is important to be each other’s strength rather than to complete with each other for more power in a relationship so that you can strike a harmonious balance and live together nurturing love and peace as companions for life.

Top tip: Try and back each other as opposed to take offence to the other’s successes. Sometimes it’s down to compatibility, mostly it’s down to how comfortable and secure each partner is in themselves and each other.

7. The Ego Factor

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Sometimes, excessive ego in the partners can ruin their relationship too. When married, it doesn’t really matter where you come from, who who let go of and who you dated in the past, how much wealth your family left you and other things in a similar vein. If these arguments come up and often, there’s something seriously wrong.

Top tip: Interjecting “Do you know just who you’re talking to” in any conversation or argument is a gigantic red flag. You can’t think yourself bigger than the other person if you’re a team. That’s not how teams function. If such thoughts and feelings persist in either partner, help needs to be sought.

8. Loss Of Mystery

The loss of mystery in marriage is quite aptly dealt in the movie “Seven Year’s Itch” which reflects on this idea. Once you are married to someone, living together with that person for years, you can get too used to each other, and nothing about the other person surprises anyone. The mystery factor is no more and everything is out in the open. The tendency to take each other for granted and lack of enough efforts to maintain that mystery and newness in the relationship can lead to trouble in paradise few years down the line.

Top tip: If your relationship consists of “Do you need anything from the grocers” texted back and forth, mix things up. The easiest way to do this is to do things for yourself – you know, the thing that attracted your SO to you in the first place.

9. Too Many Ideals

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We fall in love and marry someone because we find that person special. It is some quality in them that we admire and want to cherish that quality all our lives by being married to that person. But often we end up idealizing our partner a bit too much and put them on a pedestal that is the root cause of all our sorrows.

Top tip: Your partner, beautiful as they are, isn’t remotely close to perfect. Ideally, you want to know whether you can take the bad with the good 10 years from now. Unfortunately, we’re not exactly great at making that judgment. Still, there are things you know you cannot deal with, and if your partner exhibits any of those, it’s time for a chat. A respectful, concise, clear chat.

10. Excessive Differences

The notion that opposites attracts may be true but it is limited only till the initial periods of dating. Too many differences can cause incompatibility and bitterness in marriage – where you need to share some similar grounds when it comes to future goals, aspirations, personality traits and even habits.

Top tip: If you’re already married to someone who’s completely unlike you, try and find some common ground. Partake, with an open mind, in some of their fancies and introduce them to your hobbies and interests too. Or find a completely new avenue the both of you enjoy. This builds closeness and trust.

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