Husband Wife Fight – Normal Or Bizarre?

Movies and novels paint such a rosy picture of love, relationships and marriages. Nobody wants to talk about the fights, anger, arguments, nagging, bickering and other absolutely normal things that go on between a couple. I mean, you can’t really make a quarrel between two lovers look romantic, right? But does that mean it’s bizarre? Is a husband wife fight normal or is it really that shocking?

Husband Wife Fight - winning a fight

Every couple fights; a ‘husband wife fight’ doesn’t always mean those serious ‘war like’ situations where one needs to ‘defeat’ the other. Normal routines and every day routines bring up certain differences between a couple that may lead to disagreements, varying in intensity. I mean, before you got married, did you not get into fights with your parents or siblings, or even fights that you had with your best friend? It’s as normal as that.
Any two individuals are bound to disagree on at least something; I mean everyone has a mind of their own and it’s obvious at some point of time it may be in conflict with your partner’s mindset. A healthy marriage is one where a couple quarrels but know where to draw the line and stop. They also know how to avoid certain situations.

First, let’s take a look at the ABSOLUTELY MUST NOTS of a husband wife fight:

  • Never use abusive language or physical violence no matter how angry you are.
  • Don’t bring up the past, keep the fight limited to the current situation.
  • Don’t involve a third person. Keep it strictly between the two of you.
  • Don’t say something harsh that your heart knows is hurtful and untrue.
  • Never fight publicly. The fight must remain between the four walls and within earshot of just the two of you.
  • Don’t start a blame game or involve the parents.
  • Steer clear from ‘you never do this or that’ and ‘you always do this and that.’ Stick to what has been said and done NOW.

 

So as long as you keep the above mentioned points in mind, no fight has a permanent effect. You fight, reconcile, get over it, make up and forget about it. And that’s exactly how it should be.

Common Reasons For A Husband Wife Fight

So what are the common reasons for a husband wife fight? Well, the reasons could be endless but there are some common ones. Let’s take a look at some and also see what can be done to fix them and avoid such situations.

Problem #1: Time

One of the most common reasons for a husband wife fight is when one or both partners don’t give enough time to the home, family or general needs of the marriage. This could be due to many reasons like long working hours, too much buddy time, being self involved or anything.

Solution: How to avoid this situation? Your marriage and home must be your priority. It’s important to give enough time and attention to your partner and marriage needs. No matter what, never compromise on the time you need to devote to your marriage. Make extra efforts whenever possible and try to squeeze in a little extra time when you can.

[Read More: How To Be A Good Wife]

Husband Wife Fight - Time

Problem #2: Money

Expenses are at a constant rise and running a house whilst living a comfortable and desirable lifestyle can be a burden on the pocket. This monetary burden leads to stress and can lead to the typical husband wife fight about expenditures and crisis.

Solution: Always keep aside a certain sum of money only for house needs. This needs to be separate from the little money you splurge on having a good time. You don’t have to stop spending but rather be more cautious. ‘Saving for a rainy day’ becomes twice as necessary when married. The house and life can demand unexpected expenditures and it is important to plan for these well in advance. It gives a sense of security, reduces burden and brings in peace of mind.

Husband Wife Fight - Money

Problem #3: Family Demands

Sometimes, extended families, parents or relatives can be demanding. This could put pressure on the relationship, leading to quarrels, especially when it is more of an obligation for one of the partners. Relentless family obligations can be overwhelming, leading to a breakdown and ultimately a husband wife fight.

Solution: You cannot ignore your family needs but you need to prioritize your time. If it’s a pressure on one of the partners, talk and discuss the problem, look for solutions and stand by each other to make it look like a joint decision. Sometimes it’s okay to skip some functions just because your partner asks you to; use the time to spend some more time together. Never disrespect each others’ family and make enough time and effort for them.

Husband Wife Fight - Family Demands

Problem #4: Friends

Friends can sometimes be the biggest reason for a fight between a husband and wife. It could be too much involvement, a certain friend one of the partner dislikes, too much social time… anything.

Solution: Friends are important but never more important than your partner. Never cut down on your partner’s needs. If you dislike a certain friend of your partner’s, talk about it and let your partner make separate plans to see them when you have your own plans. Always have a bunch of common friends but don’t let them over-burden your social life. It’s okay to have fun with friends but not at the cost of losing out on your partner’s needs and personal time. This is a silly reason some couples fight.

Well, these seem to be the most common problems and the simplest solutions on how to avoid them. There will be numerous reasons for a couple to fight but as long as it’s harmless, respectful and mended, it’s absolutely no problem.

Coming to a common solution, letting down your ego and analyzing about your needs as a couple are the small but significant ways to realize how strong your marriage is.

The strongest relationships are ones which brave and overcome all the fights and disagreements. Coming to a common solution, letting down your ego and analyzing about your needs as a couple are the small but significant ways to realize how strong your marriage is. Just like it’s okay to fight, it’s all okay to be the first one to say sorry. For the sake of your marriage, saying that you are sorry is an insignificant price to pay that guarantees a healthy reconciliation and an easy fix.

Kiss N’ Make Up

Husband Wife Fight - Kiss N’ Make Up

Having a fight is normal, but what surprises me is when people don’t make the effort to make up for the fight. Couples sometimes wait for days and weeks for the quarrel to be forgotten or brushed under the carpet, not realizing it will eventually come back up. How to avoid this? Making up after an argument is a way to get it over with and ensure it’s gone and out forever. You need to realize that taking the first step to making up DOES NOT mean you were wrong or it was your fault, it only means that your relationship and your partner is more important than your ego or problem. This will ensure you have a happy, loving relationship.

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So, whoever was at fault and whatever the issue was, the time to make up is now. Here are some ways you can stop fighting make up after a ‘normal’ husband wife fight:

Hug It Out After A Husband Wife Fight

Husband Wife Fight - Hug It Out

Sometimes, you need no words or actions; all you need is a warm hug! A nice tight hug is better than any ‘sorry’ or ‘let’s forget about it.’ It expresses a great emotion and fixes a fight, connecting a couple in the simplest but sweetest way.

Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Way… NO!

A simple ‘sorry’ can be the easiest way to build on your relationship. Again, you don’t have to be wrong to say sorry, you just say it to tell your partner that the argument means nothing when compared to your love. This solution sounds simple enough and shows you how to avoid a bigger fight.

Digest It

Husband Wife Fight - Digest It

Well, no I don’t mean just swallow a sour pill and forget about it. I mean have a good meal together. Prepare your partner’s favourite meal or order in your ‘comfort food’ and literally digest the problem.

Notes And Messages

You can make up through a simple text or a note. Just a ‘forget about it’ or ‘love you, sorry!’ is enough. You don’t need to write paragraphs and explanations, just send the message of love and you’re all good.

Go Out After A Husband Wife Fight

Husband Wife Fight - Go Out

A change of atmosphere is another good idea to bring in a wave of freshness in the relationship. A simple drive, movie, outing or even shopping for self or home works. Do anything but do it together. If it was a really serious fight, plan a weekend getaway to change your mood and thoughts. And yes, plan it together.
Make Love

Intimacy between partners is essential in making a marriage strong and successful. Making love after a fight is a great way to not just steam things up but let the steam off too. Take the aggressiveness of the fight to the bed.

Talk And Find Solutions

Silly quarrels can be dusted out, but if it’s a husband wife fight about something serious then you need to talk about it. Don’t raise your voice, no shouting, no blaming, no nagging; just talk and find a solution like a team. Remember, you are both on the same side of the team.

Whether you are at fault or not, make up and make the effort of making up only to reassure yourself and your partner about how much they mean to you.

Well, if these things don’t work out, what will? I may sound repetitive but I need to say this again – whether you are at fault or not, make up and make the effort of making up only to reassure yourself and your partner about how much they mean to you. Every time you fight, you lose a lot of energy, feel low and become negative; always try to avoid such situations and look for a more rational and practical approach to deal with the issues troubling your relationship.

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The Right Time And Place

Husband Wife Fight - The Right Time And Place

The worst time to raise important problems is immediately after work, first thing in the morning or just before your partner is leaving for a meeting or something. These are times when every one wants to be relaxed and the smallest of things can irritate and make a huge mess. If you really do need to discuss something, and you know it probably will lead to a disagreement, wait for the right time.

You need to understand your partner’s state of mind and what’s going on in their head. A calm and rational state of mind will always take things as they are and not as a sign to argue. I know sometimes it may seem impossible to find the right time, in that case, just let your partner know that you have something important to discuss and give them some time to soothe and be mentally prepared to hear you out.

The Kids

Husband Wife Fight - The Kids

If you have children, never ever fight in front of them. Looking at their parents fight can cause extreme trauma and mental disturbance in children. Don’t let your children know you are going through a rough patch, they’ll be more disturbed than you and imagine the worst. And guys, children are smarter, don’t think you can fool them. An argument creates a tense atmosphere for everyone in the house, including the pets. Even if you do get into a ‘husband wife fight’ at a social gathering, don’t let the others see it. Just let it go and don’t give out negative vibes.

Dealing With Emotions During A Husband Wife Fight

Husband Wife Fight - Dealing With Emotions

Human emotions come in all shades and shapes. It is impossible to hide your feelings and emotions for too long; and if you do, they will spill out in ways you wouldn’t understand and create a bigger problem. Always try to keep your emotions and stress levels in check to avoid a spiraling problem. Indulge in activities that help you channelize your emotions and keep you fresh (physically and mentally). Yes, life is tough but it’s tougher when you are battling negative emotions in a relationship. Every day schedules and routines can put you under immense pressure and make you feel like there’s no way out; the good part is, there’s always a solution.

Your partner (husband or wife) is your companion for life. Yes, you will fight and argue, but it’s them and only them who will hold your hand for life. Don’t take out your pent up emotions on them, instead find ways to release them onto something different with them. It’s just a silly little fight, smile and get over it.

Is there anyone who has some more ideas on making up after an argument, how to fix a problem or ways to deal with every day and the common ‘husband wife fight’ between a couple? What works for you?

Images Source: Shutterstock

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