How To Spot An Emotionally Unavailable Guy – 20 Sure-Shot Signs

You’re together but you’re really not. You’re physically in the same room but emotionally miles apart. Sounds familiar? That’s probably because you’re starting to learn how to spot an emotionally unavailable guy, with first hand experience.

A lot of women often complain about not being able to connect with their man or the guy they like. They take it upon themselves thinking that it must be something that they’re doing because of which the guy is so distant. But it’s not always like that. Sometimes it might be that that guy is simply unavailable as an emotion partner. So now what..

How To Spot An Emotionally Unavailable Guy Right Away?

If you’re wondering whether a guy you like is one of those then here are the signs you need to look out for.

1. All About Himself

How To Spot An Emotionally Unavailable Guy - All About Himself

This is number one on how to spot an emotionally unavailable guy. He’s all about the things going on in his life. He rarely tries to ever ask you about your life or the things that you told him were about to happen. He constantly blabs about who, what, when and how but only in connection to his own life.

2. Cold Replies

When you tell him about things that bother you, he might just reply with ‘hmms’ or maybe even ‘Oh sad’ but never more than that. He’ll never try to hold your hand and tell you that it will get better.

3. Distance

How To Spot An Emotionally Unavailable Guy - Distance

He maintains his distance when it comes to your friends and family. Every time when you invite him to hang out with your close ones, he declines or makes up an excuse, or gets you to cancel your plans instead. It another major sign of how to spot an emotionally unavailable guy.

4. His Family

How to spot an emotionally unavailable guy in public? He never initiates introducing you to his friends and family. There might even be times when you’re with him when he bumps into someone he knows and he would simply talk to them and then move on without once mentioning who you are for him.

5. Defensive

How To Spot An Emotionally Unavailable Guy - Defensive

Yes, this is how to spot an emotionally unavailable guy right from the first conversation. You always feel like there’s a side to his life that you’re not aware of. He might be on his laptop but will shut it down the moment you walk in. It won’t be because he wants to hide it from you but simply because he doesn’t think it’s important for you to know.

6. Relationship Talks

He most often avoids getting into conversations about the future or even about the present status. He doesn’t want to put himself in a situation where he’ll have to show you his real emotions. This is not just about how to spot an emotionally unavailable guy, but about how to avoid dating one too.

7. Negativity

How To Spot An Emotionally Unavailable Guy - Negativity

He has a negative approach towards everything, be it your relationship or his importance in your life. He’ll never be satisfied if you just once tell him that he’s good enough.

8. Behaviour

The behaviour of an emotionally unavailable guy towards others too is quite peculiar. He’ll be rude and bossy with no empathy towards anyone. But how to spot an emotionally unavailable guy when he’s nice to you for now? You might notice it especially when he’s dealing with a waiter or a salesperson, or customer support.

9. Seducer

How To Spot An Emotionally Unavailable Guy - Seducer

One who focuses most on physical intimacy is also someone from the category. It could be because he feels there is no need for an emotional bond in such relations.

10. Charm And Gone

He’ll put all his energies into charming you when you’re with him, but the moment you get back home, you see no interest from his side, no texts, no msgs, one work replies. It’s another one of the big signs, if you want to know how to spot an emotionally unavailable guy. He takes no initiative to be in touch. That’s because he focuses more on short-term intimacy and fun rather than developing a bond.

11. Denial

How To Spot An Emotionally Unavailable Guy - Denial

He’ll never accept his own faults. Be it his past relationships, the present one or even something with a friend. He’ll be forever in denial that he could ever be wrong. For him, he’s simply perfect and he doesn’t bother about anyone else. This is key to knowing how to spot an emotionally unavailable guy.

12. Shield

He always has this shield protecting his emotions. He might be visibly in anger but the moment you ask him ‘What’s wrong?’ he’ll say ‘Nothing, I’m fine’ and will end the topic right there. He’ll never let you in on his thoughts.

13. Plans, Not With You

He’ll make plans without consulting you, and by plans I mean big plans, something on the lines of buying a car, or travelling abroad with friends. And it won’t be because he wants to disrespect you, but because he didn’t think it as an important think to consult with you first. It might take you a few bad ‘plans’ before you figure how to spot an emotionally unavailable guy, if this is the case.

How To Spot An Emotionally Unavailable Guy - Plans, Not With You

14. Inconsistent

What he says and what he does are forever inconsistent. His actions might make you feel like he wants more from his relationship with you but he’ll actually tell you that you’re just friends. Or vice-versa. Both are bad signs of how to spot an emotionally unavailable guy.

15. Dismissive

Your emotions and reactions to things start getting labels instead of importance. If something is bothering you and you express it to him then instead of asking you what the problem is he’ll just label you as ‘over sensitive’ or ‘over dramatic’, ‘pms’, ‘girls, oh god’. This is how to spot an emotionally unavailable guy, but most guys won’t do this right away. It starts with comically excuses, and slowly gets to this.

How To Spot An Emotionally Unavailable Guy - Dismissive

16. Blame Game

No matter what, he blames everything on you. For him, all your fights are because of you, his crappy mood is because of you, and if things have to turn even more bizarre then his poor professional performance will also be because you upset him the previous night. It’s a classic narcissistic trait, and it’s how to spot an emotionally unavailable guy.

17. Lies

Lying for him is not a sin. It’s merely a need in times of crisis in a relationship. He will not think twice before flatly denying doing something that you’re accusing him of doing.

How To Spot An Emotionally Unavailable Guy - Lies

18. Commitment Phobic

He simply can’t commit to anything no matter how minuscule the issue may be. Even if you ask for a definite answer for a movie plan he might just end up saying ‘May be, let’s see.’

19. ‘Not Ready For A Relationship’

He actually says it to you in these actual words but somehow still sticks around. He avoids the tag of a boyfriend or a partner but hangs around for all the fun.

How To Spot An Emotionally Unavailable Guy - ‘Not Ready For A Relationship’

20. ‘Issues To Deal With’

He says he has issues to deal with before he can think of getting into a relationship but he never speaks of those issues. He never lets you in on his personal space so that you can help him out of those issues. He sometimes even just uses it as an excuse whether or not he has real issues.

So if any of these traits seem familiar to you then you know you’re dealing with an EUM (emotionally unavailable man), a.k.a. the classic clinical narcissist. It’s always best to just let them be until they themselves are ready for the relationship. And in the meantime, if you find someone better, take the leap and don’t look back.

Images Source: Istock

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