100 Funniest Valentine’s Day Quotes to Make Your Honey Laugh
A playful spin on romantic quirks brings laughs for singles, couples, and friends alike.
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Valentine’s Day comes around every February, full of hearts, flowers, romantic dinners—and for many, a lingering sense of cheesiness or dread. But whether you’re blissfully coupled, single and proud, or simply in it for the candy, humor is always in season. This collection of the funniest Valentine’s Day quotes is guaranteed to bring a smile to your face, brighten your texts, or add fun to cards and conversations. Embrace the spirit of love and laughter—because, as these wisecracks show, love doesn’t always have to be so serious.
Why We Love Funny Valentine’s Day Quotes
Let’s face it: between the pressure for grand romantic gestures and expectations set by movies and media, Valentine’s Day could use a little comic relief. Humor gives us permission to laugh at love’s quirks, at ourselves, and even at the over-the-top parts of the holiday itself. Sharing a witty quote breaks the ice, lightens the mood, and makes loving—and being loved—a whole lot more fun.
- Connect through laughter: Humorous quotes bond couples and friends in a unique, memorable way.
- Dispels pressure: Poking fun at Valentine’s Day takes the edge off expectations.
- Universally relatable: Everyone, single or not, can appreciate a clever take on love’s ups and downs.
100 Funniest Valentine’s Day Quotes
Ready to laugh? Dive into these 100 funny Valentine’s Day quotes covering everything from romantic mishaps and relationship truths to pop culture jabs and epic anti-Valentine’s Day sentiments.
Classic & Comedian Quotes
- “Valentine, just a few words to tell you how I love you. I have loved you since the first day I saw you. Whenever that was.” — Charles M. Schulz
- “I wanted to make it really special on Valentine’s Day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours, I watched whatever I wanted on TV.” — Tracy Smith
- “Valentine’s Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don’t have a special someone, you’re alone.” — Lewis Black
- “To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia.” — H. L. Mencken
- “Valentine’s Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is.” — Anonymous
- “Love is a lot like a backache; it doesn’t show up on x-rays, but you know it’s there.” — George Burns
- “Would I rather be feared or loved? Umm… easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” — Michael Scott, The Office
- “You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.” — Henny Youngman
- “Without Valentine’s Day, February would be… well, January.” — Jim Gaffigan
- “Love is blind—marriage is the eye-opener.” — Pauline Thomason
- “Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner.” — Jerry Seinfeld
- “Romantic love is a mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one.” — Fran Lebowitz
- “Money can’t buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.” — Christopher Marlowe
- “My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.” — Garry Shandling
Puns, Cheesy Lines, and Relationship Silliness
- “I’m not lion when I say I love you.”
- “You’re purr-fect for me!”
- “You make my heart skip a beet.”
- “You’re the cheese to my macaroni.”
- “Let’s taco ‘bout how much I love you.”
- “You’re the cherry on top of my sundae.”
- “You’ve got a pizza my heart.”
- “You’re my ‘perfect match’—the ‘spark’ in my life.”
- “I’m so grapeful for you.”
- “You’re the biscuit to my gravy.”
- “We go together like coffee and donuts.”
- “Let’s be like a pair of socks and stick together!”
- “You stole a pizza my heart.”
Pop Culture Valentine’s Day Jokes
- “You’re the Travis to my Taylor.”
- “Are you Travis Kelce? Because you’ve definitely caught my heart.”
- “You’re the Zendaya to my Spider-Man.”
- “Just like Han and Leia… our love is out of this world.”
- “You’re the ‘Force’ that keeps me going… may the love be with you this Valentine’s Day.”
- “Our love is like a great pair of jeans—always in style.”
- “You’re my lobster, like Ross and Rachel. You’re the one for me!”
- “Our love is like the latest viral meme—spreading joy and laughter.”
- “You’re the ‘highlight reel’ of my life.”
- “Our love is like the new smartphone—always an upgrade.”
Funny Quotes About Love & Marriage
- “Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.”
- “The secret to a long marriage is to stay gone.” — Dolly Parton
- “Never marry a man you wouldn’t want to be divorced from.” — Nora Ephron
- “Love is a grave mental illness.” — Plato
- “A man’s main job is to protect his woman from her desire to ‘get bangs’ every other month.” — Dax Shepard
- “One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.” — Oscar Wilde
- “There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.” — Chris Rock
Valentine’s Day Humor for Singles
- “The thing about Valentine’s Day is that people discover who are single and who to feel jealous of.” — Faye Morgan
- “Today is Valentine’s Day. Or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day.” — Jay Leno
- “My phone battery lasts longer than most of my relationships nowadays.” — Jacques Torres
- “I love you more than pizza. And that’s saying a lot.”
- “If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?”
- “Money can’t buy love, but it can buy chocolate on February 15th.”
- “Happy Valentine’s Day to the only person I love more than WiFi.”
Friendship & Galentine’s Day Jokes
- “Happy Valentine’s Day to the one who always finds my funny bone!”
- “You’re the peanut butter to my jelly… and the fries to my burger.”
- “Let’s celebrate our friendship with wine and way too much chocolate!”
- “You’re the reason I look down at my phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.”
- “You’re my favorite human. Don’t tell the others.”
- “Friendship is finding that special someone you can annoy for a lifetime.”
Table of 10 Quotes for Quick Reference
| Quote | Type |
|---|---|
| “You stole a pizza my heart.” | Pun |
| “Valentine’s Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don’t have a special someone, you’re alone.” — Lewis Black | Comedian |
| “You’re the cheese to my macaroni.” | Pun |
| “One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.” — Oscar Wilde | Literary |
| “The only bubble in the flat champagne of February is Valentine’s Day.” — Tom Robbins | Literary |
| “Let’s be like a pair of socks and stick together!” | Pun |
| “Money can’t buy love, but it can buy chocolate on February 15th.” | Anti-Valentine |
| “Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.” — Pauline Thomason | Relationship |
| “You’re the Travis to my Taylor.” | Pop Culture |
| “You make my heart skip a beet.” | Pun |
Tips for Using Funny Valentine’s Day Quotes
- Write in cards: Pick a punchline that suits your relationship, whether romantic, platonic, or parental.
- Send in texts: Make your partner or friend chuckle on a workday or as a sweet wake-up message.
- Social media posts: Pair a funny quote with a picture or meme for extra likes.
- Classroom fun: Teachers and parents can share age-appropriate jokes for laughs on Valentine exchanges.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Q: How can I make my Valentine’s Day card stand out?
A: Pick a quote that matches your recipient’s sense of humor—puns for foodies, pop culture lines for fans, and classic zingers for everyone else. Add a personal note for a sweet touch.
Q: Are funny Valentine’s Day quotes appropriate for all relationships?
A: Absolutely! Whether you’re writing to a spouse, friend, coworker, or classmate, a shared laugh brings people closer—just watch out for risqué humor if kids are around.
Q: Can I use these quotes for social media?
A: Yes! These quotes are popular for Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter posts. Pair them with cute pictures, memes, or even reaction GIFs for extra punch.
Q: What’s the best way to choose a quote?
A: Tailor the quote to your audience. Couples might appreciate romantic puns, while friends may laugh at more sarcastic or anti-Valentine’s lines.
Related Reading
- 43 Fun Valentine’s Day Ideas for Kids’ Classes
- The 75 Most Romantic Valentine’s Day Quotes
- 51 Inspirational Back-To-School Quotes
- 130 Sweet Good Morning Texts to Make Their Day
Whatever your relationship status, remember: a laugh is the most heartfelt Valentine you can give. Share a little wit, spread some joy, and have the funniest Valentine’s Day ever!
References
- https://parade.com/986706/marynliles/funny-valentines-day-quotes/
- https://www.gelato.com/blog/funny-valentines-day-quotes
- https://www.greetingsisland.com/blog/make-your-love-lol-with-these-75-funny-valentines-day-messages
- https://www.thepioneerwoman.com/holidays-celebrations/g38486889/funny-valentines-day-quotes/
- https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/holidays/valentines-day-ideas/g30518810/funny-valentines-day-quotes/
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