6 Things You Must Consider Before You Take Revenge. On Your Ex

Like the little angel and devil that appear on Bugs Bunny’s shoulders in the classic Warner Bros. cartoons, we are also faced with two ways of dealing with certain situations that arise in our relationships, especially instances that involve shame, regret and humiliation. We feel that trust had been broken, and feel hurt and betrayed as a result of the whole thing.

priyanka_aa

Source: Hollywood reporter

If you’ve ever found yourself in such a scenario, you know that the two emotions that come rushing out are ‘rage’ and ‘thoughts of revenge,’ just ask Priyanka Chopra. “If my man cheated, I would probably beat the shit out of him first. I am the kind of person who would get violent,” says the bombshell, and most in her place would be inclined to agree to what seems like common sense. But that’s exactly the kind of thinking we’re here to warn you against, and if a Bollywood (and now Hollywood) sensation can think that way, you can be sure that the aam junta – you and me – sure can too.

If, however, you’re not familiar with thoughts of revenge, you’ve either never faced such a scenario or you have a more mature and useful way of processing life, which is good. But for those among us who do feel these thoughts of exacting revenge and rescuing some of our pride while righting all that is wrong in this world, know that your hurt pride is missing all of these important points.

1. Breaking That iPhone Won’t Make You Feel Any Better

Breaking-That-iPhone-Won’t-Make-You-Feel-Any-Better

Image: Istock

So he cheated on you or she dumped you, but breaking their personal property will not make it better to deal with, no matter what you think! That’s because if you don’t do anything and move on, you have a way of telling yourself it didn’t matter, and so you didn’t do anything. If you break things, you still replay that film in your head much later, and wish that you had broken even more stuff or in a worse way.

2. You Legitimize Thinking About It All The Time

Getting revenge or making sweet plans all the time makes you think about the very thing you are angry and hurting about all the time. It gets stuck like a loop inside your head and consumes every part of your day. Going out and hanging with friends is no more a fun activity, and you feel weak and hateful.

3. Science Proves Revenge Doesn’t Help

Science-Proves-Revenge-Doesn’t-Help

Image: Shutterstock

Social psychologist Kevin Carlsmith set up an experiment to study the effects of revenge and his findings were interesting indeed. When offered a chance at revenge after being wronged, almost everyone in the group took the chance at revenge and each one who exacted their revenge described their feelings as being lower than those few who decided not to take revenge.

4. A Sincere “Sorry” Is Usually Good Enough

Researchers also found that the very few times when revenge proved to be useful was when the offender (the person who will be made to pay by the hurt one) acknowledged that they did wrongly. What was interesting here was that when people apologized for their wrongdoings (if it was only the one time) then the ones who were angry and hurt and seeking revenge usually backed off and forgave.

5. Revenge Breeds Revenge

Revenge-Breeds-Revenge

Image: Istock

 

We’ve all seen Gangs of Wasseypur, haven’t we? If the person upon whom revenge is exacted doesn’t understand the nature of the attack or it’s justification, they will be looking to get their own revenge for what they think is an unjustified action. And so on it goes.

6. It Doesn’t Address The Root Issue

It-Doesn’t-Address-The-Root-Issue

Image: Shutterstock

The root issue is one of anger, humiliation and trust, and getting revenge does nothing to answer those concerns. If you are angry, think about why you are angry and what it does to rectify the situation. If you have been betrayed, know that the situation has passed and changing it is not a possibility. Revenge will not right that wrong. Instead, examine your role. Is there anything you missed or could have done better, including associating with certain people?

So there you have it. If you still want to embark on your journey of revenge like Uma Thurman in Kill Bill, or if you have a Max Payne streak running through your veins, go for it. But don’t expect it to magically sort out your head and your emotions if you do serve up some revenge pie, well, not unless you can get an admission of guilt from them as well.

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