Are You Dating A Player? 7 Telltale Signs To Spot

Written by Ananya Sayee • 

Yikes that’s the worst kind of guy to get into a relationship with. He has no scruples, and since he’s a dude, there’s going to be a lot or sadistic and misogynistic thoughts buried deep in his soul. And since guys are anyway set up to have antagonistic tendencies to the woman who picks up where mom left off, he’s going to be a super dbag.

How do you know when you start dating a guy who’s a player?

1. Well, for starters, you’ll know something is off with the way they ask you out. It would be so direct and to the point, you’d get that feeling he’s said it before. And the way he’ll say it will be fake. Even if he’s saying, “I think you’re really pretty and i wanna ask you out.” or “I think I’m falling for you.”

Only players are that direct and that well-rehearsed. And the tone, it’s almost sarcastic, but not quite there, because you’ll hear a bit of anger.

And it’s almost never a direct complement, its always how he feels and how he thinks you’re nice or whatever.

2. During the first few weeks or month of dating, you’d both try to be fun. It might not be all you, but it is you as much as you can, hopefully. Players do it differently. They floss over, to ‘reel’ in a potential sexual mate. Sometimes there are more lies that truth. if you’re really unlucky it’s a bunch of half truths converted into full blown lies.

When they are not of the wham-bam-done type, the lies include family matters, relationships, medical conditions, psychological conditions, money matters, friends, acquaintances. He’ll actually be crazy enough to tell himself he’s showing you another possible version of himself, in an alternate reality. And that’s how he’ll find it easy to move. It will all have been a dream to him, one where he was someone else. I guess that sums up his psychological makeup.

Because of that little habit of his, you’ll find that things often don’t add up. He’s got Multiple Sclerosis but you’ve not got enough proof of this, and there’s the fact that he has a very normal life, and he drives. He’s married but he’s going to divorce her, but when she calls he’s not pissed off with her or making conversation the way future divorcees do. Or he’s friends with people you’ve not yet met, and you’ve been dating for over two weeks. Or worse still, he says he’s rich, but he keeps taking stuff from you. He’ll lie about exes.

You’ll have to be on the lookout for such behaviour. And you’ll need someone other than him to talk to; not your mom. Like a proper friend. it could be the priest you talk to at confession, or the old lady neighbour who always has a cup of tea ready for you. Preferable have a bunch of non-ahole friends. These guys kind of know who doesn’t have a sensible reality check system in place.

(Read More Husband’s Note For His Depressed Wife)

3.  And boy will you need a reality check system .

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Among the many strategies they keep, there is one that stands out no matter what they do. It involves forcing a quick, and distinct state of intimacy, designed to get you into bed as soon as possible. It will include having you alone with him for extensive, suffocating amounts of time. If a guy you just met tries to hang around you always, it’s a horrible sign.

It has psychological value. You’r mind will keep telling you something is off. The best way to shut that off is to expose you to them, right at the start, for an extended period of time, like many days. and it happens alongside subtle statements indicating he wants you all to himself.

4. And if you don’t comply, some loons will go to a lot to get you alone; if you’re having a fight with someone he’ll say you’re right, even if he knows nothing. If he finds that the reason you’re busy is your group of friends, he’ll start bitching about them, to you.

He has a chronic loathing for women. So he’ll be nice to you as long as he needs something, but his version of ‘being nice’ is very different, and is specifically there to get you alone with him, by bitching about whomever he needs to, to make you think he’s on your side.

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Other types will befriend your friends, and then attempt to date the both of you. If you’re not with great people, that does happen.

Also if you introduce him to any guy friends he’ll take an immediate hating to them. It’s usually because he doesn’t really think of you or his mother or any woman for that matter, as anything but the dumb, gullible sex-pet second gender. And like some caveman, he thinks he has to do something about someone trying to steal his meat.

5. He give you loads of superficial compliments, he’ll take you to places alone with him, he’ll do anything he can to make sure you want him around, and him around only.

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He’ll get horny a lot. And attempt to touch you sexually a lot. He’ll compliment your physical attributes a lot, like very directly, indicating you are responsible for his high state of arousal. If he has to, he’ll run you through the fight and make up cycle, to keep it interesting. Anything to keep the honeymoon phase alive.

That’s a red flag coz a guy who’s in love with you will not be able to talk about you like that.

6. And when he does have to say sorry, he’ll generally have an excuse, or he’ll start another one to distract you.

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And if you corner him into saying sorry, he’ll say sorry in the same tone he asked you out. And he’ll say it weirdly. It won’t be just “I’m so sorry.” It goes more along the lines of he’ll start crying, say he didn’t mean it, or he just couldn’t control himself, and then he’ll not say the sorry word, but he’ll instead say something along the lines of, “will you forgive me?”. It is not a sorry.

I know, it’s nuts, but it’s not like he’s clinically sane to begin with.

7. That lack of seriousness and lack of actual interest in you, carries over, and the weight of having to keep lying to cover for the first lies he has told you to reel you in as a sexual partner builds, and gets to him. Overtime you’ll find his normally concealed resent toward womankind shift completely to you because he is suddenly feeling really repressed.

Then comes that awkward phase, where he goes back to being himself, and you see this whole new person and get confused. And he say’s this is who he really is. But by the time to get to this part, he’s looking to swap you in for another model.

As soon as you see this change, dump him.

If you want to know if he’s done this before, ask him about his exes. If he’s got only the worst things to say about them, them you’ve got a really big problem on your hands, coz he’s the type who plays and then spews, to make sure the exes won’t talk about his habits.

Behind The Player

See, the way he sees it, mom and/or dad left him for mom/dad. Which is the standard Oedipus conundrum, leading up to castration anxiety. But with a player, it happened sometime during sexual development, either too early or too late, so he feels rejected by mom/dad, sexually, since they don’t accept him as a sexual being and reciprocate his ‘advances’. So he decides he’s going to punish mom, and all mom representatives, by showing his sexual prowess and then rejecting her.

When it’s about daddy issues, he will jealously admire dad, kind of like what a female player does. If he’s into mom and dad, well, run.

The male player is not the result of a failed relationship. Guys simply become more cautious after a bad relationship. However, if he had mommy issues, where mom ‘left’ him for dad, and he was subsequently dumped by his S.O. specifically for a player, he will then go on to become a player.

You’ll need to remember, in his mind, everyone’s fair game. Because he feels if someone is stupid enough to fall for his stuff, then what he’s doing is not his problem.

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Important Tip

As a tip, don’t lie. To yourself, your friends, your lovers, and to him. You might have to make a real effort to not say something misleading, or exaggerated, about yourself, or give out harmless white lies. But it pays off. You’ll feel way better. You’ll attract a person who likes you for you. And most players get unnerved when a person is okay with himself/herself. If you’re okay with yourself, you’ll not feel euphoric when someone compliments you, coz it’s not the first time you’re hearing it. You either know you’re hot, so it doesn’t frazzle you or you know it’s not completely true what he’s saying.

If you spend a good deal of time being honest, you tend to grow an intuition about things that seem off. This will help you always – specially when it comes to spotting a player.

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